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This week we are taking a funny look at all things Italian. Now most Italians we have met both here in Australia, and over in Europe, have basically been happy fun people with a good sense of humor. So we figure that nobody's going to get too upset if we have a bit of a laugh at their unique lifestyle.
Let's start off with a critical examination of the cultural differences between Italy and other countries.
So perhaps it might be a bit of a good idea to learn some proper Italian language before going anywhere near the old boot country. So how about taking some after hours language lessons like this one:
Q. What does FIAT stand for?
A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.
Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.
Q. Why do Italians hate Johavah's Witnesses?
A. Because Italians hate all witnesses.
Q. Who really killed John F. Kennedy?
A. Two hundred Italian sharpshooters.
Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and an Insurance Salesman ?
A. A guy who tells you that you need protection, but makes you an offer you can't understand.
Q. Have you ever seen an Italian nativity scene?
A. It has Jesus, Mary, and three wise guys.
We all know how much the Italians love their "gioco del calcio". In Italy the game is the center of their Universe. Here is some great secret footage of the Italian soccer team's European training camp.
Italians love their soccer and their ladies. And we know how much Italian fathers look out for their daughters, but is this really what meeting an Italian family could be like?
Okay, so that was all pretty Italian right?
Well if you definitely want to find out how Italian your current lifestyle might be, then do this Quick True / False Quiz:
How Italian are You ?
You know you're Italian when:
- You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, and you still cry when your mother yells at you.
- You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.
- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.
- You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
- You are on a first name basis with at least 8 function room owners.
- Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's
- You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $75,000 Alpha Romeo or BMW.
- Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
- It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
- You have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
- At some point in your life, you were a D.J., hairdresser, or beautician.
- You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
- If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed your Mother had an affair.
- There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
- You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:
- Your grandfather had a fig tree.
- You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
- Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
- Your momma's meatballs are the best.
- You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
- Plastic on the furniture is normal.
- You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
- You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."
- You've called someone a "mamaluke.", and you understand "bada bing"
Well we hope you enjoyed our veritable feast of funny Italian stuff. Come back next Friday for more Friday Funnying; (as long as a big black limo hasn't whisked Big Passy away to help fill in an inner city concrete pour :o )
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Big Passy Wasabi