Friday, October 29, 2010

Army Boys Friday Funny

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Image Source: http://www.puppetrypastimes.com

The release of Call of Duty Black Ops has got us thinking all army here at Passy's World. So this week we are taking a funny look at all things army.

So open up that turret hatch and have a good look around at this week's funny ha ha.

First up here is a classic Black Adder clip that explains all about how World War I started. So sit up history buffs and pay close attention!



The modern day Army has been very worried about the fatness and fitness of their latest generation of soldiers:

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This has prompted the development of new fitness regimes for combat, such as the following innovative battle unit:

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In fact there is amazing new military technology being developed every day:

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Check out this latest batalllion of star wars wookie snipers looking very suave in their lovely Armani gilly suits:

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Not too sure what this training is all about. Must be some kind of new tactic to totally mesmerise the enemy.

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Army Jokes

First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"
Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"
First soldier: "Why not?"
Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"


The problem with the Iraqi army was that they were using Russian defense tactics:
1. Engage the enemy.
2. Draw him into your territory.
3. Wait until winter sets in.


Top Eight Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting

8. Military transport flights now earn you frequent flier points
7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?
6. Get rid of all those creepy "Richard Simmons Wants You" posters
5. Intelligence spy satellites may be used to watch television 24 hours a day
4. Superiors may now be addressed as "Dude"
3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center
2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island
1. New slogan "Army of One" replaces "Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!"

Jokes Source: http://www.ahajokes.com


Let's take a look at another great Black Adder clip about World War I.



Part of any soldiers essential kit is the world famous Swiss Army knife. But have you seen the French version?

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Maybe a few of you have heard of the classic World War II comedy TV show "Hogan's Heroes"? Here is a classic taste of Sargent Schultz type comedy.



Military Common Sense Rules

A lot of life's problems can be explained by the U.S. Military and its applications of common sense ...

1. "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
(Paul Rodriguez)

2. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
(Army's magazine of preventive maintenance ).

3. "Aim towards the Enemy."
(Instruction printed on US M79 Rocket Launcher)

4. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
(U.S. Marine Corps)

5. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.
(U.S. Air Force)

6. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
(Infantry Journal)

7. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
(US Air Force Manual)

8. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
(Gen. MacArthur)

9. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
(Infantry Journal)

10. You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
(Marine Gunnery Sergeant)

11. Tracers work both ways.
(US Army Ordnance)

12. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
(Infantry Journal)

13. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
(US Navy Seaman)

14. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
(David Hackworth)

15. If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush.
(Infantry Journal)

16. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
(Joe Gay)

17. Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
(Admiral Hornblower)

18. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
(Unknown Marine Recruit)

19. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
(Your Buddies)

20. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
(Army Platoon Sergeant)


Source: http://www.strategypage.com

Finally let's finish off with a couple more classic Black Adder clips.



And this one about how the war just does not seem to be advancing.
Don't shoot the messenger pigeon!




May the weekend bring you sweet victory in all of your battles!

Enjoy,
Big Passy Wasabi

Friday, October 22, 2010

Golfing Friday Funny

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Here at Passy World we have always found Golf to be a game of enormous frustration and downright embarrassment. Big Passy has always preferred a good game of tennis, than attempts in vain to smash the little white ball down a fairway.

This week we have a look at some of Golf's lighter moments, and wonder why anyone would ever want to play this crazy game!

Let's start off with a classic YouTube Golf Bloopers clip.




The big problem with Golf is that there is just so much stuff to concentrate on.

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Some people go golfing to enjoy the serenity of the surroundings. Others manage to find a sense of excitement and adventure!

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Mind you, the golf adventures just get bigger and bigger.

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Golf Jokes

Q: What do you call 1,000 golfers lined up on a pebble beach holding hands?
A: Pebble Beach Golf Links.

Q. Why do golfers always carry two pairs of trousers with them ?
A. Just in case they had a hole in one.

Q. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?
A. "A golf course!!"

Q. Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A. A bad golfer goes: WHACK..."Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"!...WHACK.

Q. What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?
A. Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even God can't hit a 1-iron!

Q. Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course?
A. Because that's how long it took the Scots who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!

Q. Did you hear about the golfer who got shot yesterday?
A. Yes, they said it was a hole in Juan.

Q. What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf?
A. It's still your turn!

Q. Did you hear about the player who spent too much time in the bunker?
A. He got mail addressed to Hitler.

Jokes Source: http://www.golfjokes.co.uk/oneliners/4.html

Here are some guys who almost pulled off the perfect lie.



But what golfing really needs are some decent technological assistance.

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Yes what we definitely need are changes to make everything bigger and better!

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Here is a golf technology update for all of the Transformers movie fans.



And here is a Golfing clip for all of the Star Wars fans.



But the best ever golfing moments can be found in the classic golf movie "Caddyshack". Borrow it from the video library sometime. We guarantee you won't be dissappointed.




20 Golfing Laws

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a tax agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 13: Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

LAW 15: Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day

Source: http://www.golfjokes.co.uk/oneliners/4.html


Here is an amazing golfing commercial that we found on You Tube. Golf is indeed a game of intense concentration.



So that's it for this week, and we hope your golfing experiences end up being better than this.

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Enjoy,
Big Passy Wasabi

Friday, October 15, 2010

Horsing Around Friday Funny

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This week we are having a funny look at horses. Inspired by the famous Spring Racing Carnival here in Passy World's hometown of Melbourne. There might be some interesting hats around at the races, but will there be any as good as this little number?

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Horse Jokes - Part 1

Here are some classic Horsey Jokes from the Internet

A horse walks up to the bar and orders a drink from the bartender. The bartender sets the drink in front of him and tells the horse, "Hey buddy, Why the long face?"

An out-of-towner accidentally drove his car into a deep ditch on a country road. Luckily, a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Betsy. The man asked for help. The farmer said that Betsy could pull his car out, so he backed Betsy up and hitched Betsy to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Betsy didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Betsy didn't move. Then he yelled really load, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Betsy just stood. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Betsy, pull." Betsy pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Betsy is blind, and if she thought she was the only one pulling, she wouldn't even try."

Of course Horses are not into water sports. They are not nearly smart enough to go swimming:

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But they are pretty good at driving boats around and making an ass of themselves:

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But seriously, horses are made for horse riding, and the bigger the better:

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But sadly not everybody can ride a real horse, and some have to live in the world of make believe.

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Movies for Horse Lovers

Citizen Mane
Withering Heights
The Bridle of Frankenstein
Gentlemen Prefer Palominos
Prances with Hooves
For Whom the Belgian Toils
Rein Man
Lawrence the Arabian
Stall Wars
The Man with the Gelding Farm
The Day the Girth Stood Still
The Fall of the Horse of the Usher
Horse Blanket Bingo
Saturday Night Feeder
Gone with the Whinny
Cool Hoof Luke
Bonnie and Clydesdale

Source: http://www.leadmare.com

Here is a great compilation of funny horse pictures from YouTube.



Let's hope the Melbourne racing carnival doesn't see any horses going off crowd surfing.

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Horse Jokes - Part 2

Two stupid men bought a bunch of horses at an auction, paying one hundred dollars apiece for them. Then they drove to another auction, and sold all their horses for the same price they'd paid for them. After counting their money at the end of the day, they realized that they'd ended up with no more money than they'd started with. "See!" said one. "I told you we shoulda bought more horses!"

There was a preacher who was trying to sell his horse. A man stopped by to see how the horse rode. The preacher told the man that instead of saying "walk" say "praise the Lord" and instead of saying "whoa" say "amen." So the man got on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord," and the horse started to walk. The man then said, "Praise the Lord," again and the horse started to trot. He said it a few more times, then the horse started galloping. Suddenly a cliff appeared. The man yelled "Whoa!" but the horse wouldn't stop. He tried yelling all sorts of things, and he tried to pull the horse up, but the horse wouldn't stop. Then suddenly he remembered what to say. The man said, "Amen." The horse stopped right before they fell off. The man was so relieved that he put his hand on his forehead and said, "Praise the Lord."

Source: http://www.leadmare.com

One famous funny horse from the good old days of black and white TV is Mr Ed. Here he is making his Baseball debut.



You Know You are Into Equestrian when.........

- You frequently have to explain things to your non-horsey friends;
"No, a pony is NOT a baby horse"; "A farrier has nothing to do with
faries"; "When I said I was training a stud, I meant a horse, stupid!"

- You are one of the few people who can talk about whips, spurs, and
leather and not think anything kinky.

- You've embarassed yourself by mentioning spurs, crops, leather, stud services, etc. in public without realizing how it sounded.

- Your arms and face are tanned, but your legs aren't.

- Your idea of a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend , besides being sweet, smart, and
caring, and all that -- is one who can fix stalls, muck barns, and
enjoys riding on the beach.

- You haven't been on a date in a long time and you think you'll
probably end up marrying a farrier or a vet (since they are the people
you see most often).

- If you have Facebook, it includes more photos of horses than of you.

- You accept Facebook friends instantly if they have a picture of a horse in their profile.


Horsepower in engines is something most of us are familiar with, but it makes no sense to a horse:

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Here is a long and kind of stupid Horse Versus Gorilla video, have a look and see what you think.



So that's the short and tall of it for this Friday Funny.

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On your horse, and giddy up!

Enjoy,
Big Passy Wasabi

Monday, October 11, 2010

Swinging to Pendulum

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Pendulum is an Australian electronic rock/drum & bass band founded in 2002 in Perth by Rob Swire, Gareth McGrillen and Paul Harding. Harding is a veteran DJ while Swire and McGrillen were part of an acclaimed rock band known as Xygen, but after hearing Konflict's "Messiah" at a rave they were inspired into the drum and bass genre, in 2003 they relocated to the United Kingdom. While Hold Your Colour held true to this intent, they have since experimented with mixing rock influences back in, with the rock-heavy second album In Silico, and the third album, Immersion, being a mixture of both, together with more electronic influences.

Their newer efforts incorporate styles from genres such as dubstep, heavy metal and electro house. Pendulum are now better known for their energetic live shows, with live band setup and advanced visual displays and incorporating their rock background with drum and bass.


Here at Passy World we discovered Pendulum totally by chance, whilst looking at Call of Duty Videos on YouTube.


But we are sure glad we did find out about them! Their "Immersion" album is awesome and one of our favorite driving to work CDs.

They are touring Australia next month and we will be going to see them in concert in Melbourne on Novemeber 1st.


Here is the typical type of COD video which exposed us to the fabulous music of Pendulum:



Here is the same song "Crush" performed live by Pendulum:





Pendulum Band Members

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Rob Swire – vocals, synthesiser, producer (2002–present)
Peredur ap Gwynedd – guitar (2006–present)
Gareth McGrillen – bass guitar, DJ (2002–present)
Kevin Sawka – drums (2009–present)
Paul Kodish – drums (2006–2009)
Paul Harding ("El Hornet") – DJ (2002–present)
Ben Mount ("The Verse") – MC (2006–present)

"Watercolor" is one of Pendulum's best singles so far.




Here is a classic COD clip that uses Pendulum's awesome music.



Pendulum Albums

Hold Your Colour (2005)
In Silico (2008)
Immersion (2010)

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There are many Pendulum clips on YouTube, but sadly a lot of them have embedding disabled by request. So you will have to go to YouTube and find them yourselves.

So to finish off, here are a couple of live clips.

Here is Pendulum "Slam" performed live.



Here is Pendulum playing a tune called "Granite" live:



So if you have liked what you've seen and heard on this blog post, then make sure you buy the fabulous "Immersion" album by this awesome band.

Enjoy,
Big Passy Wasabi

Friday, October 8, 2010

On Ya Bike Friday Funny

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This week we are looking at funny things that happen when we ride bikes. Big Passy loves bike riding, and recently bought a brand new model Haro mountain bike:

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Haro bikes are strong, reliable, and and provide an excellent quality ride. Check them out at this website: http://www.haro.com.au/mtb/bikes/

Well enough of me gloating over my new bike, and let's get onto the funnies!

Here is a great little prank played on some unsuspecting recreational mountain bikers:



Of course some people need to use their bicycles for work related activities. And if you are going to work with your bike, well you might as well make it a worthwhile load!

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Big Passy has some panier bags on his bike's packrack and uses these for carting supermarket shopping. However, we are limited in load capacity, and thus need to shop regularly. Perhaps we should buy a more purpose-made bicycle in the near future:

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A few quick bicycle jokes that you might like.

Q. When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
A. When it turns into a driveway.

Q. Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
A. Because it is two-tired (too tired).

Q. Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
A. Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.

Q. Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes?
A. Sir Francis Brake !

Q. What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head?
A. Petal !

Q. What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose?
Bicycle petals !

Q. What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ?
A. Bike carbonate of soda !

Q. What did the bicycle call its dad?
A. Pop-cycle.

Jokes Source: http://www.free-funny-jokes.com/funny-bicycle-jokes.html

Okay then, time for some classic bicycle bloopers from YouTube:



It is so much better to go riding with a friend. Here is the long and the tall of tandem riding.

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Or maybe we want to keep a lower profile when riding together:

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And why not ride with your best friend everywhere, even at Walmart! It looks like a lot of fun, as per this YouTube video clip.



Here is a mature age Biking Joke.

"Going Deaf"

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"


Finally, let's watch a few more bicycle bloopers from YouTube:



That's it for another week. I would have loved to have ridden my mountan bike along the flat Nile river delta in Egypt. I saw some American tourists doing it and it looked like great fun. Oh well I will have to make do with a bush ride on the weekend.

On Ya Bike,
Big Passy Wasabi